Dear God …
at last im writing to You .. my first letter .. having a conversation with You through my writings .. talking to you instead of people who do not read.. you’ve been reading and knowing all waht’s on my mind since i had my first thoughts and questions .. since i’ve learned my thoughtable language .. you’ve been listening to me and im the one who diverted the conversation to the mortal deaf .. and i received nothing but void instead of your True Voice … it’s time to listen to you .. to find you through my readings and writings .. to have a never ending conversation ..
randomly will speak my thoughts.. with things you already know and knew.. whatever passes my mind in any language ..
before i carry on .. Dear God .. my mom is sick .. please heal her and never let her feel the pains i’ve been through .. Dear God .. forgive me if i were not careful enough to protect her from my flu .. Dear Merciful Allah .. take away her fever and pain and warm her aching body … and let her breath smoothly soon ..
i’ve learned that we were not born and created by you to be innocent .. we were born to choose between good and evil .. choosing good makes us no innocent no angels .. nor choosing evil makes us devils .. it just makes us good or evil … Humans! we live a state of constant choice ..
we were born and created humans and we will return to You as humans ..
zillions Adam and Eves ..
just hope and pray .. i would return to you at a moment when i kept choosing the good.
still i wish i stayed unchangeable.. that innocent child … the non sinner .. but i’ve learned by time that virtue can never be fully recognized until we sin ..
i wish i stayed untouchable .. though i’ve learned the true meaning of chastity and purity until i was touched… now im truly untouchable ..
it is amazing how you teach us through our sins .. it is startling how you teach us through our contradicted bipolar nature .. we learn when our good and evil merge and mix .. we grow and develop when we struggle in pain in the amidst of the good evil confrontation!
it is marvelous how all my deeds desires yearnings and longings were directed to nothing but YOU .. all of my life .. and now i admit .. i sought no one but YOU … my Lord ..
You are the One and the Whole .. you are the peace of my inner world .. a world no science in the world could resolve or reveal .. measureless
teach me .. im so ignorant .. contain me .. divulge what’s false and make me not be deceived ..
Dear God .. give me the power of vision to change .. grant me the eloquence to deliver your light
i had so many other emotional thoughts while watching the film of the shopgirl .. wish i was not hesitant and tired not to get the pen and paper to write them at once ..
Dear God .. choose my partner who will share a combat life with me .. a life he knows well won’t be easy with rosy dreams .. no consumptions .. but full of production .. leading the Egyptian Dream of the world .. just a life full of hope … and full of the glory of the attempt …
and when you grant us children .. i promise will tell them nothing but the truth .. if i know i will say .. if i dont .. will not be too proud to admit my ignorance..
why do you make me think so much of them when they do not exist except in my daydreams .. ?
make me know .. please …
till then .. i shall keep on living .. keep on reading .. keep on writing to you .. till i get Your answers … (:
P.s. it’s amazing how we worship you through books .. through people who sought the truth .. it is amazing how you can be worshiped in many many forms …